WHAT KEEPS YOUR CAREGIVER BUSY?

 “Can you take a break? Can you please go out, even for an afternoon?” I spoke from my bed, feeling helpless. 

My mom was working herself to the bone, trying to keep the household running while also caring for me, her chronically ill teenager, in the middle of a flare. Every waking moment was spent multitasking as she worked, parented, ordered supplements, administered treatments, spent hours in doctors’ offices, and learned how to implement new diets.

Almost none of those waking moments were spent caring for herself or receiving care from others. 

“I can’t,” she’d say. “There is no one else who can do these things, and if I don’t do them, we don’t eat, you can’t go to the doctor, or someone will get hurt.”

I felt guilty. This was all due to my illness, but I had no other choice. Maybe you can relate...

HOW CAN I CARE FOR MY CAREGIVER?

Deep down, I knew my mom would give me all she could ten times over. She didn’t need me to be less needy, but she did need care as much as I did.

The same holds true for you and your caregiver. The trouble is, our caregivers’ suffering is often less visible than ours. Today, I want to share three ways to see and care for your caregiver—even when you feel you have nothing to give.

SEE YOUR CAREGIVER'S TRIALS

In the face of our own suffering, we (along with our community and even our caregivers themselves) often overlook the reality of our caregivers’ struggle. The truth is, caregivers suffer—often deeply.

When you’re facing a diagnosis that changes your life, your caregiver’s life is changing right along with yours. When you’re missing out on attending events with them, they’re missing out on having you there with them. When you’re scared about a treatment, they might be even more scared, because all they can do is watch helplessly.

As we face our chronic illness struggles, we must remember that emotions like fear, grief, confusion, and frustration are familiar emotions to our caregivers. I often expected my mom to be my rock, able to take anything that chronic illness threw at us, but she is human, too. 

Your caregiver faces significant challenges daily, so when they...

• are impatient with you, understand where the overwhelm it is coming from.
• can’t keep up with everything, remember (with grace) all they are trying to juggle.
• need a break, remember it's not personal. 

APPRECIATE AND AFFIRM YOUR CAREGIVER

Caregiving is an unseen, thankless job. Frequently, the only people who see the meals they prepare, the time they give, and the advocacy they perform are us. So, the more we understand our caregivers’ struggles, the better we can support them (especially through affirmation and appreciation). 

Sometimes it can be difficult to figure out where to begin, so here are some ideas.

What to Say to Show Appreciation

• “Thank you for the time and energy you put into taking care of me.”
• “Thank you for facing this with me.”
• “Thank you for striving to live like Jesus.”

What to Say to Affirm

• "You put a lot of effort into ensuring things are done correctly."
• “You show Jesus’ love through how you care for me.”
• “You’re doing a good job.”
• “The little things you’re doing matter."

Caregiving powerfully demonstrates God’s sacrificial love and is worthy of honor. We can honor and encourage our caregivers by following this Biblical command: Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to do it. (Proverbs 3:27)

ADVOCATE FOR YOUR CAREGIVER

Often, we aren’t the right person to care for our caregivers, especially when we're suffering ourselves. That’s okay. That’s actually good, as it allows God’s love to be shown in even more ways. God created the body of believers to care for each other as a community. It’s not designed to be a solo task. As someone who sees what your caregiver goes through daily, you are well-positioned to stand up for them.

Stand up for them (to them):

• Remind them that their value is intrinsic, not based on what they can do for others.
• Encourage them to take the practical steps necessary to care for themselves, such as:
  • prioritizing eating and sleeping. 
  • spending time with God.
  • getting medical attention.
• Remind them that God is in control and that it's okay if they don’t have it all together.
• Ask them if they can delegate anything.

Stand up for them (to others):

• Many people want to help but don’t know how. Offer your community practical suggestions, such as:
  • taking the kids out.
  • bringing food over.
  • texting a silly GIF to make someone smile.
• Others might want to help, but don't realize help is needed. Telling a close, trusted friend of your caregiver when they are having a tough day could be all it takes to make a difference.

You might not be the one to care for your caregiver, but you can recruit others to help by informing them of your caregiver’s needs.

GOD'S LOVE RULES THE DAY

Caring for our caregivers should never stem from guilt or shame, but always from love. Love comes from God, flourishes in relationship, and is never a transaction or a to-do list. 

Today, no matter what you can or can’t do, reach out to your caregiver. 

• Perhaps say two simple, soft words: 'Thank you.' 
• Maybe ask how they are doing. 
• Support them with encouragement or advocacy.

These ideas are meant to encourage your thinking; they are not required tasks. Whatever you do, do it with love, and with the knowledge of how much you, too, are loved.

PRAYER

Lord Jesus, thank You for my caregiver. Thank You for being my ultimate caregiver and for caring for my loved ones as well. Please remove fear or shame from me, and let Your love guide all my thoughts and actions. Amen.

QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION

• Do you feel shame or guilt about your chronic illness? Why?
• Do you believe you are worthy of care?
• How can you affirm or appreciate your caregiver today?

INVITATION

I invite you to explore the Bible's teachings on caregiving by downloading Chronic Joy’s free 33 Biblical One Anothers printable.