In the Midst of Grief
Mourning Our Losses
Grief is no stranger to those of us affected by chronic illness, mental illness, pain, and suffering. While there are no rules for grieving chronic loss, there is a road map, and fellow travelers are ahead and behind us on the journey. Grief often precedes growth.
Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy. (John 16:22)
GRIEF IS UNIVERSALLY SHARED AND UNIQUELY INDIVIDUAL
Grief is not denying our hope in Jesus; it is part of our humanity, evidence of love persevering. Grief is a universally shared human experience, both unavoidable and uniquely individual. It impacts our life on this spinning blue planet with losses of:
- Health
- Mobility
- Memory
- Vision
- Hearing
- Independence
- Family
- Relationships
- Employment
- Finances
- Hobbies and recreational activities
- Home
- Educational opportunities
- Serving in what we enjoyed or to which we felt called
Every loss results in grief, even those we seldom recognize as grief due to illness or pain. We grieve the losses of canceled plans, missed opportunities, lost days, disconnection from others, isolation, and loneliness. When these losses go unrecognized for too long, they begin to smolder beneath the surface, bubbling up as anxiety, depression, anger, insecurity, shame, or worthlessness.
For people who are chronically ill, the losses are multiple and permanent and therefore difficult to resolve. Because these losses are unending, they’re known as infinite losses. (Mila Tecala, Grief Counselor)
Each person’s grief is as unique as their fingerprint, but what everyone has in common is that no matter how they grieve, they share a need for their grief to be witnessed. That doesn’t mean needing someone to try to lessen it or reframe it for them. The need is for someone to be fully present to the magnitude of their loss without trying to point out the silver lining. (David Kessler)
No matter what kind of loss we experience, our grief is valid, and we long for the presence of others to be with us in it.
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BIBLICAL GRIEF STORIES
Biblical grief stories remind us that we are not alone.
- Jacob grieved the loss of his son Joseph. (Genesis 37:34-35)
- Naomi grieved the deaths of her husband and her sons. (Ruth 1)
- Hannah grieved her inability to conceive a child. (1 Samuel 1:15)
- David grieved the deaths of Saul, Jonathan, Abner, and Absalom. (2 Samuel 1)
- Job grieved for his children, reputation, wealth, and health. (Job)
- David wrote, Be merciful to me, Lord, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and body with grief. (Psalm 31:9)
- Mary and Martha grieved the death of their brother. (John 11:21)
- Jesus wept over the death of his friend Lazarus (John 11:35) and the faithlessness of Jerusalem. (Matthew 23:37-39)
- Mary stood near the cross of Jesus, watching in grief as her son suffered and died. (John 19:25)
There have been, are, and always will be fellow travelers (ahead, behind, and beside us) in the valley of grief.
God, too, is with us through every moment of anger, denial, sadness, and deep loneliness. He tracks all our sorrows and collects all our tears (Psalm 56:8). His Spirit in us intercedes for us with groans too deep for words. (Romans 8:26)
GRIEF CHANGES US
Grief is a holy madness.
It is not a puzzle to be solved,
a problem to be overcome,
or a situation to be managed.
It is a wilderness we wander in search of the sacred …
(Patricia McKernon Runkle)
Grief does not extinguish hope. It is, instead, a precursor of hope: Unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains [just one grain; it never becomes more but lives] by itself alone. But if it dies, it produces many others and yields a rich harvest. (John 12:24)
Perhaps the most important thing I learned after falling ill was that allowing myself to grieve was key. I had to give myself time and space to feel all the complex emotions that come with grief and loss of health. (Rachel Tait)
In the face of constant loss, we begin to ask:
- Who am I?
- What is my purpose?
- How do I find new meaning?
We don’t move on from grief, but we learn how to move forward with it.
THE BLESSING HIDDEN IN GRIEF
In the midst of all this pain, there is a strange, shocking, yet very surprising voice. It is the voice of the One who says: Blessed are those who mourn; they shall be comforted. That’s the unexpected news: there is a blessing hidden in our grief. Not those who comfort are blessed, but those who mourn! (Matthew 5:4) Somehow, in the midst of our tears, a gift is hidden. Somehow, in the midst of our mourning, the first steps of the dance take place. Somehow, the cries that well up from our losses belong to our songs of gratitude. (Henri J.M. Nouwen)
We will experience pain, separation, loss, and death on this winding journey through life, but heaven is on the horizon. A new day is coming! That is our bright hope.
FREE PRINTABLES
Coping with Grief
14 Ways to Make a Difficult Day Brighter • Grief takes time, but God is with us. He loves us beyond imagining, and He is gathering every heartbroken tear. Gratitude can become a beautiful thread in our grief journey. It doesn’t ease the pain or injustice of grief, but it does remind us that there is still good in God’s world, that God is still good, and that no matter how we feel, we are not alone.
Sorrow, Lament & Breath Prayers for Grief
Grief is no stranger to those of us affected by illness and pain. Sorrow is unavoidable, individual, and a universally shared journey. But grief is also a precursor of hope and the catalyst for growth. Lament gives us the language to name our pain, creating space for hope without minimizing grief and trauma. Through lament, we learn to speak of loss, sorrow, and grief honestly with God, asking the hard questions without condemnation.
Verses & Prayers for Those in the Midst of Grief
God’s Word is a healing balm to a heart shattered by grief. You are seen, known, and loved beyond imagining by the One who laid down His life for yours. May He comfort, encourage, and strengthen you as you grieve.
Grief Mosaic & Heart Map
A Grief Mosaic is a creative way to express sadness and pain, using color instead of words. Each day, choose a space and fill it with a color that represents how you’re feeling. A Heart Map can help us identify how loss and pain are affecting us.
Ministry of Presence
The Ministry of Presence is one of the greatest gifts we can offer to another. Whether we cry with, pray with, listen to, or simply sit in silence beside another, our presence carries the deep, deep love of Christ, telling someone, “You matter. Your story matters. You are seen, you are loved, and I am choosing to be with you.”
The Gift of Presence in Grief
Grief is the natural emotional response to losing what is precious and valuable. Loss changes us. There is a distinct before and after. Grief leaves its mark, reminding us that we are not in control. Sorrow brings us face-to-face with our weakness and insufficiency. But presence is the life-giving gift in the midst of grief. Through every lament and loss, God is with us, and He will be with us everywhere, always.
Grieving & Hope Devotional
There are times in our lives when we mourn and grieve, but it is important not to lose hope. Those of us who know Jesus cling to an everlasting hope. Grief is something we must work through, and it cannot be rushed.
Grace-Filled Words for the Grief-Stricken
It’s hard to know what to say to someone who has suffered a loss. What matters is not the length of our message, but the simplicity of a few well-chosen words.
Posts to Ponder
What Do We Do with All Our Grief and Sorrow
I often cry at a moment’s notice as I weep grief over life’s accumulated losses and crosses. It’s not one thing after another; it’s one thing on top of another, so that grief rolls over us in waves. We who are called to chronic grief and suffering know what that feels like without having to name each grief… I want you to understand that we are in this grief club together.
The Gift of Presence in Grief
Grief changes us, but we are never alone. Discover the gift of presence, hope, and God’s unshakable nearness in the midst of sorrow and loss.
3 Truths for Grieving What Chronic Illness Has Stolen
Illness takes more than health—it steals dreams, dignity, and pieces of our hearts. Yet naming the hidden grief of chronic illness offers three truths of comfort: it’s right to grieve, God understands when we can’t, and He is close to the brokenhearted.
PERMISSION TO GRIEVE: Moving Forward with Loss
Chronic Joy
A COMPREHENSIVE FAITH RESOURCE FOR ACUTE AND CHRONIC GRIEF
We shouldn’t need permission to grieve, yet our grief is often uncomfortable for others. Their well-meaning voices urge us to smile, be strong, or look on the bright side, offering clichés instead of comfort. This compassionate, hope-filled book weaves authentic stories with practical guides to help you move gently forward, whether loss is sudden or never leaves.
Turn My Mourning into Dancing
Henri J.M. Nouwen
In times of suffering, simplistic answers ring empty and hollow. But Henri Nouwen, beloved spiritual thinker and author, offers real comfort in the concrete truth of God’s constancy. Nouwen suggests that by greeting life’s pains with something other than despair, we can find surprising joy in our suffering.
Seasons of Sorrow: The Pain of Loss and the Comfort of God
Tim Challies
This book is an honest look at grief and fears, faith and hope. Combining personal narrative, sound theology, and beautiful writing, Seasons of Sorrow is for anyone who has loved and lost. Discover how it is possible to love God more after loss than you loved him before.
God in the Dark: Through Grief and Beyond
Luci Shaw
God in the Dark is one woman’s record of her journey through grief and beyond. Poet Luci Shaw shares this journal of her husband’s terminal cancer. It begins with the doctor’s first diagnosis and follows her through the early months of her widowhood. In these pages, we see the complexities of a fragile three-way relationship—between a man, a woman, and God.
Desperate for Hope: Questions We Ask God in Suffering, Loss, and Longing
Vaneetha Risner
Vaneetha tackles the hard questions and offers a scriptural framework to help you find hope in your pain. She walks with you as you meet women in the Bible who suffered loss and shares her own experiences of longing and grief. In the end, you’ll find that the answers to your deepest questions can be found in the character, goodness, and sovereignty of God.
Grief’s Compass: Walking the Wilderness with Emily Dickinson
Patricia McKernon Runkle
“The Wilderness is new–to you. Master, let me lead you.”
Emily Dickinson wrote these words to her mentor shortly after his wife died. In Grief’s Compass, Patricia McKernon Runkle takes Dickinson as her guide after the devastating loss of her brother. As she charts a path through the holy madness of grief and the grace of healing, she finds points on a compass and lines from Dickinson that illuminate them.
Every Moment Holy, Vol. 2: Death, Grief, and Hope
Douglas Kaine McKelvey
Volume 2 of Every Moment Holy is a book of liturgies for seasons of dying and grieving—liturgies such as “A Liturgy for the Scattering of Ashes,” or “A Liturgy before a Medical Treatment,” or “A Liturgy for Embracing both Joy and Sorrow.” Here are ways to remind us that our lives are shot through with sacred purpose and eternal hope, even when—especially when—suffering and pain threaten to overwhelm us.
A Chronicle of Grief: Finding Life After Traumatic Loss
Mel Lawrenz
“Eva not breathing. Pray.” For author Mel Lawrenz, that text message was the entrance into the harsh reality of losing his thirty-year-old daughter. Things would never be the same. How could he and his family cope with this devastating loss? In this grief narrative, Mel chronicles how his family struggled to survive the sudden death of their chronically ill and beloved daughter. In raw, vivid episodes, he describes the immediacy of the pain and the uncertainty of what comes next.
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