(Watchers) Caregivers: The Importance of Connection

 CAREGIVER - PERMISSION TO SHARE YOUR STORY

For years, I never considered that the caregiver label belonged to me. It seemed too formal, too restrictive, and too important for what I did to help my chronically ill mum.

Hugs, housework, and understanding—surely those didn’t deserve such a label?

ven when my younger sister was diagnosed with a brain tumor, and I spent every other day at the hospital, caring for her in many physical ways (from feeding to advocating for her with the pain team), I still didn’t feel this label belonged to me.

WATCHER AND CAREGIVER

However, I felt I needed the help that a label provides. Without a label, I did not have the words to share my story. So, I created a word—I called myself a Watcher and then wondered if other Watchers were out there.

Do you know someone who is struggling with a physical or mental illness? Have you ever stood by someone and felt utterly helpless? Do they have problems you cannot remove and health concerns you cannot fix?

If so, you are a Watcher—and most likely also a caregiver.

You wince as your loved one winces and cry as they cry. You rejoice as they rejoice—but you cannot even walk a block, much less a mile, in their shoes.

We are the healthy ones. We have the world at our fingertips and often share none of their bodily restraints. Our burden is different. We walk beside them and try to communicate their ups and downs to the people around us. Often, we fail because sometimes there are simply no words.

It is hard being a Watcher, my friends. It is lonely because every illness is different. Every situation is different. All of us are Watchers, but all Watch alone.

This is why I started writing. There are two answers to such aloneness: connection with others and God.

We all long for someone to stand by our side, grasp our forearm, and (with full eyes and a knowing voice) say, “I get it. I understand.”

WATCHING - A JOURNEY AND A QUEST

Watching is a journey that goes on and on, so encouragement is needed for the everyday. It is also a path that begins and ends, so we need help for those times, too.

Watching is also a quest that will (at some point) encounter God.

Of course, I don’t claim to have all the answers, but (by striving to live in the shadow of the Almighty) I am seeking them.

I thought I was the only one.

I have no five-point plan for healing or peace, but I pray that my words will help you ponder your life as they have helped me ponder mine—and that your experience will be richer for it.

I pray my words will provide a feeble sense of community and a less feeble sense of God. As C. S. Lewis wrote in Surprised by Joy, I have only… been emboldened to write of it because I notice that a man seldom mentions what he had supposed to be his most idiosyncratic sensations without receiving from at least one (often more) of those present the reply, "What! Have you felt that too? I thought I was the only one.” 

First published at calledtowatch.com. Published with permission.

PRAYER

Father, thank You for understanding our important job of watching those we love when they hurt and when they rejoice. Remind us to depend on You (and those saints You have placed in our lives) for community so we can know we’re not alone. In Jesus’ name, amen.

QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION

1. What words would you use to describe caregiving?
2. Recall when you felt like the only one who knew what you were going through and that no one else understood.
3. Who in your life might understand? Could you reach out to them?

INVITATION

Spending time with An Infusion of Hope for Caregivers printable may provide just the encouragement you need.