If you struggle with shame like I do, let me encourage you: you’re not alone, and God is not displeased with you. (Dena Dyer)
THE UNWELCOME GUEST
As I’ve walked the road of chronic pain and illness, shame has often been an unwelcome visitor. It haunts me during the night, whispering that I’m a tiresome burden to others. During a quiet afternoon of rest, it accuses me of being lazy.
I’ve felt shame about not contributing as much financially as my spouse, being physically weak, missing church because of pain, taking many medicines to function, and needing expensive or lengthy treatments.
WHERE SHAME COMES FROM
My friends and family are very kind and supportive; none make me feel ashamed. In fact, my husband often tells me he doesn’t mind being the breadwinner and loves helping me when I need it.
So, in my case, the shameful emotions stem from the enemy’s lies, exacerbated by childhood experiences and societal messages (Our culture often applauds overwork and rewards hustle.).
One of my late father’s favorite sayings was, “God helps those who help themselves.” (That’s not in Scripture, but he quoted it as if it were.) He worked three different jobs and took care of our family ranch. No wonder I feel “less than” when I work only part-time!
SHAME VERSUS GUILT
Shame is not the same as a healthy spiritual conviction leading to guilt. If we’ve sinned, the Holy Spirit will convict us to repent and reconcile with our Father God. Shame, on the other hand, is nebulous and nefarious. Many times, it’s based on faulty spiritual beliefs (such as Being productive equals being worthy. —or Believers should always feel victorious.).
Satan loves to trap us in shameful emotions to steal our joy and keep us tied in emotional knots. Then, instead of resting in Christ’s sufficiency and strength, we waste precious time in mental anguish. Shame is self-focused, while godly sorrow or guilt is God-focused. One road leads to defeat, and the other to peace.
If you struggle with shame like I do, let me encourage you: you’re not alone, and God is not displeased with you. Instead, He wants to free you and me from our shameful emotions so we can experience His supernatural peace, no matter our circumstances.
FINDING FREEDOM FROM SHAME
One way I have found to send the unwelcome guest of shame packing is to meditate on Scriptures full of grace and truth:
- That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet this is no cause for shame because I know whom I have believed and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him until that day. (2 Timothy 1:12)
- …fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him, he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. (Hebrews 12:2)
- As Scripture says, “Anyone who believes in him will never be put to shame.” [(Romans 10:11) (quoting Isaiah 28:16)]
- Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood. (Isaiah 54:4)
Another helpful practice is rehearsing the gifts of salvation. Because of Jesus’ sacrificial death and resurrection, I am no longer condemned. Instead, I am (and you are):
So, next time shame comes knocking on your door, refuse to allow it entrance. Instead, focus on God’s powerful, life-giving promises and rest in Christ’s sufficiency and grace.
PRAYER
Lord, when I struggle with shame, remind me that Your peace is available for me. When Satan accuses me, remind me of Your grace. Help me to listen to Your voice, not the enemy’s. Thank You for Your Word and promises, which give me life and joy.
QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION
- Do you struggle with shame in your chronic illness journey?
- If so, in what ways? Which of the Scripture verses above stands out for you?
- Is there another verse that comes to mind? Which verse could you memorize to recite when shame rears its ugly head?
Dena Dyer
Dena loves Jesus, her family, all things literary, coffee, and British television. She’s the author of eleven books and many articles, a professional speaker, and a Bible teacher who has been married to her hubby Carey for 25 wonderful years (and a couple they don’t discuss). Her passion is sharing words of humor and hope with wounded and weary people. Dena enjoys singing on the praise team at the church where her husband is the worship pastor. She spends too much time online or in the fast food drive-through – but she and the Lord are working on it.
Prayers to Eradicate Shame
Shame attacks the core of our identity, making us feel worthless, insignificant, and weak, isolating us from each other and from God. Shame withers when we are connected to the God of infinite worth, overwhelming compassion, and endless love. May these words help you enter into prayer when shame is weighty and raw.
Thank you for this article. It is so helpful. I too feel unproductive and shame since I am no longer caring for my husband since his passing 3 years ago. Though I have 2 autoimmune diseases, and need rests everyday,, I am working on receiving His love and grace daily.
Thank you for this timely article. I had worked on shame and succeeded. It was Chapter 1 of my story for understanding and recovery from sexual abuse and those who offended me in that realm of life. However, the chronic illnesses came fast after an unfortunate bicycle accident, and yes, going through this above healing the very same time. Sadly, too, most churches did not understand the process and hurt me more. Even professionals missed so much, hurting me more. Nevertheless, I persevered and healed.
It just appears that this journey with chronic illnesses, plus breast cancer, and possible kidney/liver cancer (still in further testing stages), is my Chapter 2 in Trusting Him. It has been 25-30 years, and I desire to remain faithful and serve Him with the purposes He has in mind, as the Holy Spirit leads.
Yet, my eyes are failing me most days; my husband has Parkinson’s, which has increased with symptoms; and to date, I have not had the energy to do a lot outside of our home. I am now 72 years young. Sometimes I feel like an outsider in this world. But when I do have energy, I do let my light shine upon others in thought, word, and deed. Honestly, though, I hardly recognize who I have become.
This could be a residue of shame. Many family members have dismissed me over these last years. Is it more about them than me? Perhaps. I do think so. Your article was excellent. I thank you. There is no need to carry shame. My heart is right with God.