CHRONIC GRIEF AND SORROW

Sometimes, I feel like there’s a bulls-eye of sorrow on my heart, as if a hunting party from hell is stalking me, shooting arrows of sadness at me from all directions. I often cry at a moment’s notice as I weep grief over life’s accumulated losses and crosses. 

I sometimes call this affliction a pile-on. Some seasons, it feels like trials are piling on. It’s not one thing after another; it’s one thing on top of another, so that grief rolls over us in waves.

We who are called to chronic grief and suffering know what that feels like without having to name each grief. It’s enough to mention that I have an “aggressive” stage-4 cancer that seems to be held at bay for the moment—but at the cost of debilitating treatments for the rest of my life. As if to pile on, several other severe afflictions are also my daily companions.

I’m not looking for sympathy. I want you to understand that we are in this grief club together. No matter how much faith we have, the way is hard—but you know that as well as I do. This means all of us who have joined the club are learning and relearning how to process the affliction pile-on.

The lessons I've learned are incomplete and feel inadequate, but they are a place to start. In processing sorrow, we might be comforted and enabled to endure the path of grief by a combination of the following:

HOPEFUL HELPS FOR WALKING THE PATH OF GRIEF AND SORROW

• We are not alone. Many have been where we are and have made it to the other side (or are well on their way).
• Reject cliches and platitudes. Admit that this world is not a movie but a groaning house of mourning (Ecclesiastes 7:2; Psalm 90:9-12). Realism helps.
• Find joy in our grief by saying and singing our sorrows (Psalm 13:1-6). The Psalms teach us that lament is permissible and beneficial, for it leads to hope, while stuffing down our feelings leads to profound emotional dysfunction.
• This world is not just a house of mourning but also a wonderful creation full of beauty, goodness, bounty, and blessing (Genesis 1:31; 1 Timothy 4:4-5).
• Name and count as many blessings as we can, giving thanks in all circumstances. The Lord has dealt bountifully with us (Psalm 13:6). He wants us to give thanks and cherish it all (Psalm 100:1-5; Philippians 4:6-7; 1 Timothy 4:4-5).
• Actively rejoice in the Lord Himself, in what He has done for us through the blood-stained cross, empty tomb, and in the everyday blessings He gives (Romans 8:31-32; Ephesians 1:3-10; Philippians 4:4; 1 Timothy 6:17; James 1:17).
• Rest from our grief. Realize that we are not called to fix human sorrows; we are only called to endure them by God’s grace and to feel them along with others, gaining a sense of purpose in them all (Romans 12:15; James 1:2-4).
• Relinquish our sorrows to the Lord. We can pray, care, hug, and weep, but God alone will fix everything and make everything new (Revelation 21:1).
• Embrace God's many promises, and our grief can be eased (Romans 8:31-39; 2 Peter 1:3-4).
• Seek comfort and counsel in the words and example of other trusted believers (Romans 15:13-14; 1 Thessalonians 4:18; Hebrews 3:12-13).

A GLIMMER OF HOPE

I know that lists may not work for everyone. Checking off to-dos can become a formulaic exercise, but maybe some of these ideas will inspire a new way forward or a glimmer of hope when grief piles on. These have helped me. Perhaps they will help you, too.

PRAYER

Dear Heavenly Father, we do not understand why You let grief pile on us when we feel we are burdened more than enough already, but we do know that You are God, and that is all we need to know. You are sovereign, strong, good, wise, and loving. So, Lord, please help us rest from our griefs by finding rest in You. In Jesus’ name, amen.

QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION

• How does it help to know that others are in the grief club with you?
• What is one lesson that God has taught you on your path of grief?
• Which of the ten suggestions do you find most helpful?