Contentment

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well-fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. (Philippians 4:11-12).

I’ve wanted to be someone else since I was twelve. 

I’ll never forget the day I looked in the mirror and hated what I saw. My crystal blue eyes were faded from exhaustion. I’d spent another night crying, asking God why I didn’t have friends and why the ones I did have only tried to hurt me. Nearly overnight, I’d gone from knowing my identity to trashing it. I desperately wanted to fit in and thought changing myself was the answer. 

Growing up, my parents emphasized loving God and others, but what happens when we fail to love ourselves? Mark says it this way: Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” There is no commandment greater than these. (Mark 12:30-31)

If Jesus commanded us to love others as we love ourselves, it indicates that we’re content with who He made us to be. Why else would He use such a comparison?

AN APPEARANCE-DRIVEN SOCIETY

In our appearance-driven society, focusing on flaws and hiding behind filters is a common practice. I spent years trying to be someone I wasn’t. Society told me I would never be enough—and that I never was. 

By age sixteen, I was almost unrecognizable—dark eyeliner and lipstick became my armor. I thought approval from the outside would fill the emptiness inside, but it only deepened my struggle. An eating disorder took hold, feeding me lies: 

You’re ugly.

You don’t belong.

You should be more like her.

It didn’t matter how much my mom or grandma would compliment me; I dismissed their words as accusations. I would never believe anyone else until I was willing to accept what God’s Word said about me. Until I was content with my identity, I would never be truly free to pursue my passions and authentically connect with others.

A couple of years after my eating disorder began, my best friend asked if she could mention me in her Valedictorian speech. She praised my writing skills and told everyone that I was content with my identity. While I felt honored, I also felt despair. I was content with my talents, but I wasn’t content with being God’s child. 

BEING CONTENT MEANS KNOWING MY WORTH GOES BEYOND MY APPEARANCE

It may be cliché, but I struggled with Psalm 139:14: I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful; I know that full well. I read this verse every day, but its words never resonated with me. Intellectually, I knew God created me with purpose, but the disconnect between my heart and mind (between what I saw and how I felt) was strong. 

1 Peter 2:9, on the other hand, strikes differently: But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. This verse reminded me that I am seen and accepted, flaws and all. Understanding my identity in Christ began to change everything.

Seven years have passed since I found freedom from harmful behaviors, but the journey to love myself continues. Can you relate?

I’d hoped that my insecurities would magically disappear when I got married. They haven’t. However, my struggles to be content with the way God has made me have made me realize this: Being content starts with loving yourself. 

While this is an untraditional definition of contentment, it may resonate deeply with many of you. If you can relate to this hardship, please know you are not alone. Learning to accept who we are requires intentional practice and a reframing of our perspective. We must look deeply at our core and realign with who Christ says we are, despite how we feel. Are you willing to adjust that perception?

Feelings are valid, but they should not define us. Your worth runs deeper than emotions. Christ paid a high price for you; nothing can take that away (1 Corinthians 7:23-24). 

PRAYER

Dear God, today we come to You with the challenge of self-love. Your Word tells us to love You and others as we love ourselves. Help me, Lord, to truly embrace my worth. Flood my heart with confident contentment. Flood my mind with Your truth. Help me to be all You’ve created me to be.

QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION

• In what ways do you struggle to accept yourself? Why do you think that is?
• How do the verses from Philippians 4:11-12 and Psalm 139:14 speak to your current struggles with contentment?
• How can loving yourself better enable you to love others more authentically?