(Unknowing) Living and Dancing with Mystery

THE MYSTERY OF THE UNKNOWING

How do you handle the not-knowing? 

When my husband was given a rare and fatal heart disease diagnosis, followed closely by a 4-year prognosis, we were left trembling and shocked. A heart disease that was as hard to pronounce as it was to understand brought a whole new set of challenges to our already slowed-down lifestyle. My own set of chronic illnesses seemed hard enough to manage; how would we get through his disease requirements, too?

If you are anything like me, you might try to dance with the unknowing. First, there is the glance toward the subject, which is a kind of side-eye. Then comes the full-face acknowledgment of said subject, followed closely by research on everything possible regarding the dilemma. Ultimately, the great unknowing catches you in its net, and you cry Enough! as you collapse under the weight of it all. 

Why can’t the mystery of such unknowing be solved like a first-grade math problem? After all, everyone knows that 1 + 1 = 2. Even the pre-algebra student knows that we are solving for the unknown.

Ahhh…the unknown. There it is again. No matter how often I circle around in the dance, I never come any closer to finding the answer I need. 

NO SET DANCE STEPS IN THE UNKNOWING

I thought I had confronted the great unknowing and learned to dance its steps—but there are no set steps in this dance. It cannot be learned; it cannot be planned out. I discovered that soon enough.

My husband’s heart disease did not change. It still swam around the edges of our vision, coloring every choice we made. Would this be the year, or the month, or the day…?

So— 

• We surrendered our hopes for the future and placed our days in God’s hands. My times are in Your hands. (Psalm 31:15)

• We clung to the Scriptures telling us God alone sets the days and seasons. He changes times and seasons. (Daniel 2:20-21)
• We made lifestyle changes, some of them rather drastic. 
• My husband agreed to start the new medication that looked promising. Even that drug had its share of unknowns, with research showing only a small benefit. 
• Then, we lived out our days, one by one by one.

He holds the number of my days; yes, He does—but He also holds me. Even to your old age, I will be the same, and I will bear you up when you turn gray. I have made you, and I will carry you; I will sustain you and deliver you. (Isaiah 46:4)

The 4-year initial prognosis has come and gone. The doctor said, “The medicine is too new. It’s just too soon to tell what effect it will have. Enjoy the life you have been given.”  His words caught my feet from trying to plan out the dance. A pause in the music rested before me.

LIVING AND DANCING WITH MYSTERY

If you are anything like me, you might listen for the call of the Lord of the Dance. You might give Him a side glance, wondering what He’s up to next. Then you might offer your hand to His outstretched arm and join His movement. Your heart might finally surrender to the mystery of the great unknowing, where He reveals His love one step at a time.

Could we be meant to live and dance within this mystery of the unknowing? Is it possible to take up a kind of improvisational movement? All along the way, the music He has already created calls me to join His steps. He will choreograph the dance, and I will follow His lead.

What if I let the Lord of the Dance guide me in a new step each day, enabling me to follow His lead and listen for His prompts when the movements seemed unclear? What if this life was less about the solving and more about the living? 

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you. (Psalm 32:8)

PRAYER

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for creating us and enabling us to let You lead our steps. Thank You for sending your son Jesus to open the way for us to be called your sons and daughters. O Lord, help us in these days of confusion and unknowing. Help us to place our trust in You and learn to dance with You. In Jesus’ name, we pray, amen.

QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION

• What mystery in your life feels like the great unknowing?
• Where have you resisted joining the Lord’s leading?
• How might the Lord be calling you to trust His guidance today?

INVITATION

Perhaps you may feel encouraged by Chronic Joy’s Printable: Sing! Dance! Praise! Celebrate!