WANDERING AND DOUBTING

My husband and I have been following a plan to read through the Bible in a year. So far, we’ve reached the end of Joshua. I will admit that some of these Old Testament books have been challenging, but we’ve been learning new things as we go. 

I’ve been struck by how the Israelites kept doubting God as they wandered through the desert. They would grumble—

• “There’s no water.” 
• “There’s no food.” 
• “It’s too hard.” 
• “We want to go back to Egypt.”

God regularly had to help them look back and see His faithfulness so that they could move forward in faith. They seemed to be so stubborn and wanted things their way. They would try to take things back into their own hands in ways that dishonored God. As I read, I became exasperated with them. Why couldn’t they trust that God would not let them down? Those Israelites!

AM I ANY DIFFERENT? 

Am I any different? I know I’ve not been walking around in the desert for years, but I see similarities as I walk around in my life, grumbling and discontent with where I am and how it looks. This is particularly true when it comes to the chronic nature of my illnesses. Day after day, year after year, I journey on wanting to go back to my life before my illnesses. I complain, I try to do things my way, and I forget God’s faithfulness—and just like He did with the Israelites, God reminds me who He is again and again.

I have been reflecting on something Moses said to the Israelites; I am challenged by it, and I hope you will be, too.

And he brought us out from there, that he might bring us in and give us the land that he swore to give to our fathers. (Deuteronomy 6:23, emphasis mine)

Moses reminds them that God brought them out of Egypt so that He could bring them in to something better—if only they would trust Him. He asks them to look back at how God was so faithful to them through many years:

• He provided for them. 
• He guided them.
• He never left their side (traveling in a cloud by day and a fire by night).
• He wanted to dwell in their midst in the Tabernacle.
• He loved them so much that He gave them rules to live by that would make the best life possible for them.

I started to think about my life and realized this verse holds abundant truth for me, too. 

HE BROUGHT ME OUT TO BRING ME IN

God brought me out of the life I used to have (the life I had before I became ill, before the diagnosis and medications). He brought me out of this to bring me in to something good. 

What?! How can life with an illness be a better place? Looking back, I see there is so much good that I would never have known if not for where I am now. Here are some examples:

• He brought me out of a life of self-sufficiency into a life of dependence on Him.
• He brought me out of racing from one thing to the next into a place with time for rest. 
• He brought me out of thinking I knew Him to a deeper understanding of His character.
• He brought me out of an identity that hinged on what I could do into an identity rooted in who I am in Him—His precious child!
• He brought me out of anxiety into a peace that passes understanding.

I could go on. 

Like the Israelites, I return to my grumbling and discontentment again and again. Oh, what patience He has with me! He waits for me to refresh my gaze on His past faithfulness and assures me it will continue today, tomorrow, and the day after that. He brought me out to bring me in to so much more with Him.

Take some time to consider this phrase: “He brought me out to bring me in.”  What comes to mind? Have you ever felt like the Israelites—wanting to go back to what you knew before? It is hard living with a chronic illness, but maybe reflecting on this phrase can help us trust that He has so much good for us right here and right now.

PRAYER

Father, we often wander through our lives feeling discontent, wishing for the days before. Help us to look to You, to trust Your character, and to see that You have something good for us right here, in this day, and all that it holds. In Jesus’ name, amen.

QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION

• When have you found yourself longing for earlier days?
• Take some time to reflect on the phrase, “He brought me out to bring me in.”  What comes to mind?
• How can life with an illness be a “good” place?

AN INVITATION

Try saying, “He brought me out to bring me in,” as a breath prayer. 

• Inhale: He brought me out…
• Exhale: …to bring me in. 

Repeat this several times, giving God space to show you what He is doing in your life.