Parenting
When Chronic Illness is a Member of Your Family
When illness and pain are part of the family, we need more strength, resolve, perseverance, and courage than we ever imagined. Yet, we also discover the rich blessings of presence, compassion, perspective, and profound love as we learn to live and parent five minutes at a time.
Children are a blessing and a gift from the Lord. (Psalm 127:3)
Parenting a Child with Chronic Illness
Learning to Parent Five Minutes at a Time
- We learn to speak the language of our child’s diagnosis – identifying symptoms, watching for patterns, and keeping running notes of both.
- We gain confidence as we speak to doctors, nurses, therapists, and surgeons about our child’s diagnosis, building vital working relationships.
- We grow in patience as we navigate the overwhelming world of insurance pre-authorizations and denial appeals.
- We cling to the Lord, saying over and over, “Show me, Lord.”
- We learn to forgive those we thought would be there with us through it all.
Illness and pain make many people uncomfortable. Some offer “helpful” advice (“My aunt had the exact same thing. She did/tried/gave up _____, and she’s completely cured.”). Others make a quick comment and move on to another topic, and some simply lack an understanding of the life we’re living.
“But then there are those golden moments when we meet another parent and (without backstory or explanation) we fall into conversation. This is someone we connect with, someone who understands. We feel seen, heard, encouraged, and filled up for the moments ahead.” (Cindee Snider Re)
Parenting through illness and pain costs us more than we can imagine. At the moment of diagnosis, our lives are turned upside down and inside out. Marriages, friendships, and families are severely strained, sometimes to the breaking point.
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Yet Five minutes at a time, we can:
- celebrate a catnap.
- savor the scent of clean hair.
- flush a PICC line.
- tie a shoe.
- steep a cup of tea.
- fold a load of laundry.
- take a deep breath and whisper, “Help me, Lord.”
WE ARE PARENTS WHO:
- learn to separate our emotions from the needs of our children, knowing they are watching and listening at every appointment.
- grow adept at balancing appointments, laundry, dinner, school, hospitalizations, and treatment plans.
- rock and walk our little ones, doing what we can to ease their pain.
- help our teens navigate activities, ensuring there is “safe” food available, and helping them manage medications.
- watch our young adults grow weaker, sicker, and thinner every day.
- have been told to “Stop being so dramatic/pessimistic/alarmist.”
- are buried under a mountain of medical debt.
- stand on the sidelines, knowing the remarkable courage it takes for our child to stand on that court, field, pitch, or rink, leaving it all out there despite their pain, nausea, or migraine because, for them, it’s worth the sacrifice.
God knew the cost to us, our marriages, friendships, jobs, and children—even when the pain spills from their eyes, even when fear eclipses their illness, even when a life they didn’t expect and don’t want drives them toward self-harm, addiction, or suicide ideation.
“God didn’t bring you to this place to leave you where you are but to build your endurance and strengthen your relationship with Him. He promises He will faithfully sustain us through each season. He saw this coming long before you were even spoken into existence. He knows the deepest needs of your heart and loves you more than you will ever know. He does all things with intention, and you are no exception. So, take a deep breath—the God of angel armies is on your side.” (Kyle Re)
Parenting When You’re Chronically Ill
WHEN PARENTS ARE SICK
Parenting with chronic illness can feel like trying to climb a mountain on our knees. It is complex and far from easy, humbling and challenging us in ways we never imagined.
- How do we care for our children when we can’t get out of bed?
- How do we nurture our children when we’re in the hospital?
- How do we meet our children’s emotional needs when we are exhausted and fatigued?
- How do we prepare meals when we are nauseous or unable to stand?
- How do we respond with patience and kindness when we are in pain?
- How do we learn to manage the shame?
There are no easy answers to these questions, yet God gave us a beautiful promise in Isaiah 41:10: So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
No matter how we feel, we are not alone. God promises to strengthen, help, and uphold us. He also reminds us not to fear what tomorrow, next week, or the next five minutes holds, for There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear … (1 John 4:18).
We are God’s beloved, created in love to raise and care for the children He placed in our lives. With God’s unconditional love in our hearts, we can pour His love into the hearts of our children.
When parenting grows from a place of surrender and dependence on God, He will do what we cannot. In Him, whatever we can do is sufficient.
“My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. (2 Corinthians 12:9)
FREE PRINTABLES
Prayers for Parents
Parenting reveals our greatest weaknesses and most vulnerable places, causing us to question our judgment, fear our inexperience, feel overwhelmed by our limitations, and regret our mistakes. Yet God’s promise of hope remains.
23 Promises for Parents
Parenting asks everything of us—our energy, patience, and hearts. When a child’s journey includes illness, pain, or disability, the weight can feel even heavier. These 23 promises from Scripture are a gentle reminder that God is with us, strengthening us, guiding our steps, and establishing the work of our hands.
Handwritten with Love: Verses & Prayers for Teens
A meaningful printable for parents to pray Scripture over their teens. Handwrite God’s truth, love, and promises into your child’s life—one prayer at a time.
For A Mother's Soul
May God shower His blessings on all mothers, grandmothers, great-grandmothers, mothers-in-law, and mother-like figures! May He give grace and strength for all your days!
One Minute Prayers for Parents
Parenting a child with chronic illness, chronic pain, mental illness, or disability is filled with joy, worry, hope, overwhelm, laughter, sadness, loss, and often, grief. There are moments of laughter and wonder, and others marked by desperately whispered prayers.
5 Minutes At A Time: A Letter to the Mamas
Mamas, our journeys may be different, but the emotions are the same: sadness, loneliness, anger, confusion, frustration, being overwhelmed, and loss—so much loss...but we can do anything, five minutes at a time,
POSTS TO PONDER
If You Ever Need to Talk: Finding Comfort and Empathy
Parents of chronically ill kids are the best people. They’re the best at encouraging without offering advice, at listening without trying to one-up with their own story. And they’re the best at offering empathy that comes from having walked a similar road. I could learn from these parents.
Streams in the Wasteland of a Living Grief
How do I hold this living grief? How do I drink this boiling sea of suffering? Father, gather these shards. Redeem the years the locusts have eaten. Scoop up these bits and pieces, and hold them in Your Hands until Your grace floods every crevice…
When Your Child is Ill • The Power of Prayer
Prayer is not a new concept for me. As a child, I remember praying nightly for my dad and younger brother who were diagnosed with a genetic disease.
Chronic Kids, Constant Hope: Help and Encouragement for Parents of Children with Chronic Conditions
Elizabeth Hoekstra and Mary Bradford
Two moms of chronically ill children offer encouragement and help for fellow parents of “chronic kids,” such as dealing with emotions, what to do when friends say insensitive things, prayer, and so much more.
Broken Brain, Fortified Faith: Lessons of Hope Through a Child’s Mental Illness
This is the story of one family’s journey through schizophrenia, navigating the uncharted waters of mental illness to find help for their daughter and support for their family. This memoir is an honest look at the stress, anger, education, and finally, hope experienced through the eyes of a mother.
He Will Be Enough: How God Takes You by the Hand Through Your Hardest Days
Katie Faris
Each of these 20 biblical reflections examines a truth about God and shows how He provides an anchor for the soul in hard times. With warmth and compassion, Katie weaves together stories of her family’s struggles with complex medical conditions and God’s truth.
Families Where Grace Is in Place: Building a Home Free of Manipulation, Legalism, and Shame
Jeff VanVonderen
This book is a practical and insightful discussion on living a graceful life and building a strong and happy home using God’s tools.
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VIDEO
WELCOME TO HOLLAND, Emily Perl Kingsly
Trying to describe being the parent of a child with a disability or chronic illness can be very challenging. This short video offers a beautiful and creative explanation.
“The loss of that dream [a well child] is a very significant loss, but if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland.”